As part of my accountability process, I have taken down my post Consent Accidents and Consent Violations. I used this post to gaslight a former partner and my communities, and to control the narrative around a consent violation my former partner experienced with someone else. As requested by some of the people who contacted my
One of the most common questions I hear is: how do I tell someone I’m into them without coming across as creepy. It’s a real big fear for a lot of people, especially men. Expressing desire without being pushy seems like an impossible task. What is Creepy? One thing that makes this difficult is that
Giving a really good compliment is a powerful skill that can help you create a passionate, amazing relationship. And while I 100% believe that it’s a useful talent, regardless of the gender of the person you’re giving it to, it’s even more important when you’re talking with a woman. There are lots of reasons for
There are a lot of reasons why men struggle with sexual satisfaction. We get a lot of confusing and contradictory messages. We face outmoded definitions of masculinity that focus on “get it up, get it in, get it off” and assume that satisfaction equals performance rather than pleasure. We don’t learn how to state our
Update: I wrote this in December 2015. In April 2019, I wrote this post to explore how my thinking on this topic has changed. Do you want to know one of the most subtle and easiest ways to manipulate a partner? Tell them, “That thing you do makes me feel unsafe and you need to
So here’s a great question someone sent me: I have a question… or opinion from you please and thanks. If a person doesn’t indulge in sexual intercourse with a partner are they abstinent or celibate? And are they either if they penetrate themselves with a toy? Lastly, if they only use a bullet without penetration
If your sex life is feeling stuck, one of the best things you can do is get some help from a trained expert. When you need useful suggestions, information about how other people have navigated similar circumstances, outside perspective about your challenges, or you just want to speak with someone who’s not involved in the
Here’s a question that someone sent me: I’m sure you’ve covered this at some point already but I was curious if you had any suggestions for lasting longer? I’ve tried numbing lubes, trying to distract myself with thinking about something else (which doesn’t work well and takes away from the experience 🙁 ) and I’ve
Do you want to know the most powerful thing you can to do transform your sex life? Stop enduring touch that doesn’t feel good. In my somatic coaching practice, I help people create better sex lives, so I hear all about the experiences and worries that hold them back. A lot of folks tell me
I know I talk about anal play a lot. It’s one of my favorite kinds of sex, and ever since I co-wrote The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, I’ve been fielding lots of questions from folks of all genders who want to make it more fun. But that’s not what I want to focus on
Here’s a question that someone sent me about group sex: My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. I love him a lot and the sex is great. He is the most sex-positive person I’ve dated, and is open to experimenting with me. I am curious about including others in our play, and
There’s a funny thing that people often do. I’m sure you’ve seen it, done it, or had it happen to you. We get critical or angry about something that we used to appreciate as a way of pushing it away or avoiding how we really feel about it. This has been coming up for me
